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JOKES

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1

I have spent the last two years looking for my wife killer, but nobody will do it.

2

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

3

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.

4

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

5

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

6

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony was not much, but the reception was excellent!

7

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

8

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks How do you drive this thing?

9

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

10

My girlfriend told me if I join one more comedy group on the Internet, she is going to leave me. I am really going to miss her.

11

What is the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

12

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

13

What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

14

What do marriage and a tornado have in common? In the beginning there is a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end someone loses a house.

15

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

16

: Girlfriend: Darling, will you give me a ring on our wedding day? Boyfriend: Sure, what is your number?

17

Why did not the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

18

What is the difference between a wife and a mistress? A: About fifty pounds.

19

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

20

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

1

testing.. testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..

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2

eturn: he listed himself as the head of the household!

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