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JOKES

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1

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

2

Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!

3

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

4

I started a band called 999 Megabytes: we have not gotten a gig yet.

5

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

6

The reason we nod off to sleep is so it looks like we are just emphatically agreeing with everything when were in a boring meeting.

7

Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.

8

What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.

9

I never knew the meaning of true happiness until I got married but then it was too late.

10

I have spent the last two years looking for my wife killer, but nobody will do it.

11

Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

12

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you.

13

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They are making headlines everywhere!

14

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

15

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

16

A man admitted he lied on his income tax return: he listed himself as the head of the household!

17

Boyfriend: ILY. Girlfriend: Can you please say the words? It makes it better. Boyfriend: I am leaving you.

18

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.

19

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

20

Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

1

testing.. testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..

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2

eturn: he listed himself as the head of the household!

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