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JOKES

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1

What is the difference between a wife and a mistress? A: About fifty pounds.

2

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

3

Learn sign language, it is very handy.

4

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony was not much, but the reception was excellent!

5

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

6

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

7

Why did not the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

8

Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

9

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

10

What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

11

What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!.

12

What is the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

13

The reason we nod off to sleep is so it looks like we are just emphatically agreeing with everything when were in a boring meeting.

14

The tenderest love is between two homosexual men with hemorrhoids.

15

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it Is more of a wrap.

16

What do marriage and a tornado have in common? In the beginning there is a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end someone loses a house.

17

What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.

18

How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

19

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

20

Boyfriend: ILY. Girlfriend: Can you please say the words? It makes it better. Boyfriend: I am leaving you.

1

testing.. testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..testing..

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2

eturn: he listed himself as the head of the household!

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