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JOKES

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1

A man admitted he lied on his income tax return: he listed himself as the head of the household!

2

Why can not a bike stand on its own? It is two tired.

3

My girlfriend told me if I join one more comedy group on the Internet, she is going to leave me. I am really going to miss her.

4

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

5

The reason we nod off to sleep is so it looks like we are just emphatically agreeing with everything when were in a boring meeting.

6

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks How do you drive this thing?

7

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

8

What do you call two fat people having a chat? -- A heavy discussion.

9

I have spent the last two years looking for my wife killer, but nobody will do it.

10

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

11

You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it is pretty cheesy.

12

Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

13

The tenderest love is between two homosexual men with hemorrhoids.

14

Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

15

How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

16

What is the difference between your wife and your lover? 30 minutes.

17

What do marriage and a tornado have in common? In the beginning there is a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end someone loses a house.

18

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

19

Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.

20

Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!

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2

eturn: he listed himself as the head of the household!

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